spiritual ingenue

Ooooooh.

So I've been wasting a lot of time lately and that's why you haven't seen much of me here.

Wasting time, you ask? It would seem that if one were busy, they wouldn't blog. However, I've been wandering a lot in my mind and have been preoccupied with that, instead of being focused and doing my best to minister here.
But I am here today, and it's only after I got in trouble with God.

I've been stuck in a rut lately, and have sent up countless prayers to God to "help me reconnect." You know the ones; I'm sure you've been in that place where you've wandered off, sniffing after distractions, and suddenly you sense that God's not so close anymore.

Or rather, you're not so close to God.

As I said, I've been praying for intimacy, praying for proximity, even praying to be in the same zip code again. Yesterday, He answered me.

God: "GO TO YOUR BIBLE."
Me (surprised to hear from him and little startled): "Um... Lord... I'm trying to do laundry. Can it wait?"
God: "NO. LET IT GO RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T MIND LETTING IT GO MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAY."
Me (sensing an urgency that commanded to be obeyed): "Ok."

I find my Bible and open it, oddly enough, to the book of Ezekiel. I'm not very astute where this book is concerned because it's kind of scary to me and frankly, I don't spend much time there.

God directs my eyes to the 36th chapter, 22nd verse. I will bold the text where God seemed to be shouting:

22"Therefore say to the house of Israel, Thus says the Lord GOD: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations to which you came.

("profaned" means to pollute or to treat as common.)

23And I will vindicate the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, and which you have profaned among them. And the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Lord GOD, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes.

24 I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. 26And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.

28You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God. 29And I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. And I will summon the grain and make it abundant and lay no famine upon you. 30I will make the fruit of the tree and the increase of the field abundant, that you may never again suffer the disgrace of famine among the nations.

33"Thus says the Lord GOD: On the day that I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will cause the cities to be inhabited, and the waste places shall be rebuilt. 34And the land that was desolate shall be tilled, instead of being the desolation that it was in the sight of all who passed by. 35And they will say, 'This land that was desolate has become like the Garden of Eden, and the waste and desolate and ruined cities are now fortified and inhabited.'

36Then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I am the LORD; I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will do it. 37"Thus says the Lord GOD: This also I will let the house of Israel ask me to do for them: to increase their people like a flock. 38Like the flock for sacrifices, like the flock at Jerusalem during her appointed feasts, so shall the waste cities be filled with flocks of people. Then they will know that I am the LORD."

Now I know this may sound really strange and may make no sense to anyone but me, but I so clearly felt God speaking to me regarding where I am now, where we are going, and what is currently going on inside of me.

For months, I've felt like I've been wasting time. The people that God has placed in my life need to be ministered unto, and I have been puttering around, focusing on all the wrong things, laying up treasure in areas that aren't eternal. The people around me represent the nations He's called me to carry the Gospel to, and I haven’t' been faithful to my Commission.

God has stuff to do through me that isn't about me at all, but about displaying and defending the holiness of His great Name in the eyes of those around me through my witness and life. I know God is getting ready to plant us in a new land with this move coming up, and I know that God is already raising up the flock we will minister to. I feel like the abundance God is going to pour out upon us is the blessing of His presence, where we will feast on Him and never again know the famine created by His absence.

I want our new neighbors to look upon our spirits and say, "The home and heart of this family is like the Garden of Eden, growing lush and beautiful because of the presence of Living Water. We want that."

Right now, I feel like I have built an alter to the god of Wasting Time, and I want it demolished. I want to be sprinkled with clean water so that I move into a new and deeper level of intimacy with Him. God, you have called us to plant this church, and I want You to prepare the way in our hearts and minds to do this work you have prepared for us to do.

As a side note, I found a new facet of God’s character as I was reading . He was very clearly angry as He directed my eyes to His Word, but He wasn’t angry AT me. I felt He was angry FOR me. He is angry at the way my behavior as keeping me from intimacy with Him, and how He has SO much MORE for our relationship than what I am willing to tap into. I sensed His frustration with me, the way I get frustrated with my kids when I try to direct their path to a choice that will bless them and bring them joy, and instead they choose another road.

I love my children too much to see them make dumb choices! I love them too much to let them take a path that is less than God’s very best! That’s what a sensed as I read this passage: the angry and jealous love of a God who has more for me than I’m choosing. Of course, I say that I won’t let my children make these choices, but that free will thing gets in the way and I know the decision is ultimately theirs to make. How frustrating that must be for God.

Father, I humbly thank You for the reminder that this call on my life is not about me at all, but all about You and the propagation of Your Name. Thank You for Your infinite patience and grace, as You watch me wander right and left, away from Your perfect will. Thank You for forgiving me of the sin of wasting time, and for creating a pure heart of flesh within me and renewing my steadfast spirit.

I pray for the people you are raising up in our new neighborhood, that our home would be a beacon of light that would shine the presence of Christ into a dark nation.

Amen and Amen.

// posted by spiritual ingenue @ 3:32 PM